A few ramblings

The Lie
I love you with all my heart and soul,
I still feel your tiny fingers wriggle beneath my own smooth hands.
How I miss you and how I need you.
There is not a day I do not think of you.

You were the most beautiful thing on earth
You were mine and you loved me more than anyone ever has or can.
You were the joy of spring, the pleasure of summer and the comfort of winter.

I held you in my arms and rocked you gently. I wanted to give you the world.
I lived only for you, existed within that dream that is you.
Then, suddenly you are grown and the odour of expensive perfume lingers
Where once there had been a soft milky smell.

You were my dream and nightmare combined
A dream child,
flaxen-haired and blue-eyed.
Then, too soon,
a beautiful woman adorned with confetti.
But, always we have the memories shared.
Summer days, playing happily on the beach.
Twirling in the living room to your favourite pop song.
Experimenting with make-up and high-heeled shoes.
Chuckling like two sisters when would be suitors arrived on the doorstep for you.

Then, all too soon time passes like fast cars on a busy motorway,
And again I am holding a tiny bundle in my arms.
This bundle is not mine but belongs to me just the same.
So, therefore I continue, I will always be remembered.
I was your mother her grandmother and his great-grandmother.
I cannot be forgotten. I am a memory. I am a photo on everyone’s wall.

But of course it is one big lie.
For you did not grow in my womb
But I still smell you and sometimes in my mind I even hold you.
I never bore you or felt you move inside me.
But in my heart you have always existed.

Still, even now, I would sacrifice the rest of my life for one year with you.
You see, without you, I really don’t have a life and never have.

One day, in my life, some unknown force ordained that I would be childless.
I haven’t been, for you have been with me every day and I miss you terribly.
There is so much I want to tell you but most of all I want to say,
I love you and I always will.

For Dave
There is this man that I know,
such a sad sad soul.
I knew this man two years ago,
a different man he was then to know.

A loving wife, a fine home,
they had no reason to moan.
In their life children were not meant to be,
but god gave them each other,
their love shining for all to see.

Then the time came when they got old,
a sad sad story we are to be told.
The loving husband, why him
was the one to suffer this terrible thing?
One day struck down, a stroke it was,
then suddenly for them the warmth of happiness
turned to a cold cold frost.

The illness for them could be overcome
But never again for them the warmth of the sun.
For a few months after this sad event,
the poor wife died and left us all to lament.

The poor man I always knew to be happy
became suddenly the centre of tragedy,
Never to see his home the way it was,
home and wife to him were lost.

What was to become of this lovely man now?
The worry was there, on his face always a frown,
who could have him? Who would care?
With a useless arm and leg, how would he fare?

Suddenly his home was gone,
nothing left for him to see.
After eighty years all that was left was he.
His wife was gone, his home too,
I felt so sad wouldn’t you?

Now he lives in a home for old people.
Visitors he lives to see
but he isn’t like you and me.
We live our lives looking to the future, forgetting the past,
He lives his life each day hoping the next will be his last.

Ramblings

I am unhappy, simple to say, hard to bear

my pain thrust upon by two humans unaware

How to cope, who can help, do I care?

Yes I do.

The tears gush like a fountain beautiful but harsh

the pain is a sword piercing my heart

The nights are lonely, my thoughts drowning in the marsh.

Why don’t you love me, will you ever, or will you never.

Can I blame you, yes I can, because I believed in you.

You lied, they lied, do I now lie?

This is my life, loveless sad, oh how can this be true

All I wanted was love, like you and you and you!

No family, friends few but maybe not true

A lover can I trust? Do I dare

I need you to tell me what to do

If I go on how will I fare?

Life so beautiful and rare

What did I do to deserve you?

A Broken Life

Oh, the dreams, the dreams I clasped to my heart
snatched from me sharply when closed were my eyes.
Oh yes, we know those dreams, the chorus sigh
dreams fragmented and body torn apart.

I am a good failure tis true to say,
shame swirls around me like fog this grey day.
If I could be released to try again,
I would do it right, make good my amends

At school I pass grades with Excellency,
graduate university in style
become glamorous with a high-profile,
I ask you chorus can you still see me.

A man I would marry successfully
and slide easily into pregnancy,
then I am older, content and serene,
this is a dream of how it could have been.

Grown up children swelling my contentment,
.my husband lovingly embracing me
Oh I can hear you lament and lament
this is a dream of how it could have been.

How it really is, this nightmare of mine
no children or education for me
I grew up fast full of adversity,
no sun did shine on University.

Now to achieve what was once out of sight,
there in the mirror someone I can like.

Lynda Renham-Cook

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12 thoughts on “A few ramblings

  1. Lynda you have shared such profoundly beautiful and powerful words here. Your first poem could only be written by someone who understands. Thank you for being brave enough to share this so that others can come close to seeing a glimmer of the pain and longing some people live with every day.

    Like

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