Erect Nipples and The Dog’s Bollocks

I thought of riding a horse, wearing nothing but Thierry Mugler’s Womanity perfume through the streets of Oxford. I figured if that doesn’t catch people’s eyes and have them rushing to Waterstones to  buy my books, then nothing will. Then I looked out of the window, saw the fierce wind and occasional spits of rain, and figured that perhaps it was just a touch too cold and me with erect nipples and red cheeks (face ones that is) may seem appealing  to some, but I felt sure there would be just as many, if not more, that it would not appeal to. Although I had no doubt it would sell trillions of books. But I realised there was a good chance I may dramatically develop Pneumonia and die a very dramatic, if not glamorous death. Well, if I’m only wearing ‘Womanity‘, how could it not be glamorous? Then I considered the fact,  that of course, I may be arrested. That alone didn’t bother me. After all, If I sold billions of books it would be worth it. But what really stopped me was Andrew’s face. It didn’t so much say, ‘What a crazy idea’  but more, ‘You really believe you riding a horse through Oxford, naked, will sell books?’  Of course, what the look really meant was, ‘Have you seen your body lately?’ Of course he never voiced any of this. But you know what those looks mean don’t you?

So, I decided perhaps a nice little innocent post on Glipho might be safer for everyone. The new book is enough to shock everyone without coupling the sight of my naked body to it as well. The new book by the way is about me. Now you’ve shut off totally haven’t you?

It’s my exploits as a woman. Or you could say it is my exploits as a crazy woman. Because if you consider me normal after reading this little ditty maybe you need therapy too. Mind you after reading of my attempts to remove a tampon, you may well need therapy. Thank goodness my publisher issued a warning on the Blurb. If you’re wondering about the blurb, here it is.

A collection of short funny tales and a unique insight into the world of chicklit royalty, aka Lynda Renham. A right comedy of errors if ever there was one. If you’re looking for her beauty secrets and fashion ideas you’ve come to the right place. Read of her intimate sex life, her secrets for staying young and how she keeps her man – just. A fly-on-the wall true account of the life of a romantic comedy novelist, written in her own words. It’s all here, the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

Publisher Note: We are not responsible for any of the advice given in this book. If you do not look like Lynda after reading this we cannot be held accountable.

Warning: Tena Pads recommended while reading. 

Now, the best part about this little ditty is that it is only 99p. What can you buy for that these days?

So, off you pop and download your little copy here Go on, save me the ordeal or freezing my bollocks off on that horse. Talking of bollocks, you can buy my other book if you like, ‘The Dog’s Bollocks’ here Give yourself a laugh over Christmas. If not, see you in Oxford on that horse.

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