Only I can mess up the school run, although I do wonder why it’s called the school run. I don’t recall there being much running this morning, at least not at the start anyway. Oh no, I hear you groan, what went wrong this time? Are you sitting comfortably? Then I’ll begin.
My grandson and I get on really well. We make cakes together, go for walks together and do arts and crafts together. Of course, these things are quite easy to do aren’t they? We’re going to the library together later, which is fun. So, I imagine my stepson thought who better to ask to take him to school than Lynda. Of course, normally they take him in themselves but Monday morning saw an important appointment come up and you know what happens if you cancel appointments. You end up waiting until you’re eighty for the next one to come up. I readily agree. I mean, how hard can it be, right?
Monday morning arrives and I drag my hung over body from the bed. Okay, okay, so Sunday night saw me consume just a little too much wine. I am allowed you know. It’s not like I’m going to drive him to the school under the influence is it? After all the school building is right next door and before you ask, yes, I do get up early some days and some nights I work late and get up later. A writer’s life is a complicated one. I wander downstairs where grandson is sleepily eating breakfast.
‘Good moaning,’ I smile.
Nothing, absolutely nothing.
‘He’s a bit dopey in the mornings,’ says stepson.
Dopey or grumpy I want to ask. But I just swallow two pain killers instead.
‘Will you be okay?’ asks stepson.
‘Sure,’ I say, more confidently than I actually feel. ‘Just remind me what I have to do.’
Although it can’t be much can it? Seriously, I just throw him into the classroom don’t I? I hear your gasps. You don’t really think I’d do that do you?
‘Take him in at about 8.45 and he’ll show you where his bag, coat and water bottle go. You can then sit with him until the music plays. That’s the time for parents to leave.’
How sweet. They play us out to music.
At twenty to nine I do battle with the shoes. Tuck him warmly inside his coat, hand him his satchel and off we go, straight next door. He excitedly shows me where his coat goes. I follow and say hello to his teacher. This is dead easy that I could do it with my eyes closed.
‘This is where my bag goes and this is …’
He turns and looks accusingly at me.
‘Where my water goes,’ he finishes.
‘Where is my bottle of water?’ He asks accusingly.
Good question. Where is the water bottle when you need it? still sitting on the table in our living room if I remember correctly. Damn it.
‘Don’t go anywhere, I’ll be right back.’
Did he roll his eyes?
This is when I did the school run. I fly back to the house, grab the bottle and fly back to the school where he is waiting in the same place.
‘Where does it go?’ I pant.
He points to where a thousand other bottles sit. Okay, maybe not thousands but you get my drift. How can this be so difficult? I flop into the chair beside him and start helping him with his numbers. This is better. I can cope with this. In fact I get so into it that I even help the little girl who sits opposite. Then, before I know what is happening, grandson is standing up and pushing me.
‘You’ve got to go now. Go on, go.’
I hear the music playing and realise all the parents have left. Trust me to be last. They could at least play the music at decent volume. My grandson is blanking me now. I’m just one big embarrassment. I sneak out of the door and breathe a sigh of relief.
‘How did it all go,’ stepson asks me later.
‘Great. It was good fun this morning wasn’t it Matthew?’ I say to grandson.
He harrumphs and continues building his Lego. Oh, well, you can’t please all the people all of the time. However he loves me when we make cake.