I usually write humorous stuff for this blog. But there is a situation making my life such hell right now that I not only wanted to share but to also ask for advice and to hear other nightmare stories or stories of success. I promise the humour will return very soon. In fact there is a new novel coming out (plug) titled ‘Fifty Shades of Roxie Brown’ in fact you can pre order it now. So much humour in there it should knock your socks off.
So, twelve years ago I went onto HRT. I had all the classic symptoms, night sweats, hot flushes, migraines. In fact you name it, I had it. I think I could have coped with most of them. The Bartholin cysts, although painful, I probably could have endured. However what I hadn’t bargained for was the overwhelming feeling of tension and the terrible nightmarish mood swings. It got so bad that every other weekend I was packing a bag and leaving my husband only to return an hour later. It would be funny if it wasn’t so tragic. This was usually over some little petty thing. I was slamming doors in frustration and weeping all over the place. I felt isolated, unable to cope with the smallest thing and feeling terribly unloved. Then came that fateful day, the day my fate truly was sealed. I lost total control of my emotions and my lovely husband found himself standing at the sink, frozen in fear as I held a knife to his throat. It was the last straw. It was, also, almost the end of my marriage. A relationship that means everything to me and one I did not want to lose. I thought I must be going mad, having some kind of a break down. I didn’t even connect these symptoms with the menopause. I thought that was just about hot flushes and sweats. I visited my doctor and HRT was suggested. I was nervous about taking hormones. I went home did the research and decided to try it. Quality of life was surely the most important thing. One month in and my life changed so dramatically it was unbelievable. I became the person I knew myself to be. Not only did the tension and mood swings go but also the cysts and the migraines went too. The night sweats stopped and life felt worth living again. Of course, I never thought about the future or the long term use of HRT. My marriage was safe and I was acting like a normal human being again.
Fast forward twelve years and a change of GP practice to a doctor who thumped the table and said ‘I won’t prescribe that poison.’ We’re talking HRT here, not heroin. He refused to give me a repeat prescription unless I went to the menopausal clinic at the John Radcliffe hospital. I had no choice but to go. I’m already tearful just remembering the awful year that followed. I saw a specialist who after a long chat agreed I could/should say on HRT if my quality of life was affected and in my case she felt it was. However, she encouraged me to change from my pill to a patch with a lower progesterone dose. I felt at this point I had no choice but to agree. The first thing to happen was a recurrence of the cysts. This was followed by a constant bleed. I stayed on the patch for four months, bleeding throughout and with worsened symptoms of hot flushes and sweats. Went back to see the specialist who now decided that the bleeding was maybe abnormal and a scan was organised. Three scans and a hysteroscopy later I was diagnosed with having multiple polyps which were removed from the lining of my womb. I returned three months later for post op check and discussions on HRT. Discussed yet again about reducing my intake and the consensus was to change from Femoston 2/10 which I had been on for twelve years to Femoston conti but to do it slowly. Starting on 2mg and dropping down after a month to 1 and half. No sooner I did this then my mood swings took over with a vengeance. I upped to 2mg again as advised and felt a little better. Not as good as on the 2/10. Two months later I tried again. I haven’t stopped weeping. My moods are erratic. I’ve upset half of my family. I’m at my wit’s end and don’t know what to do. The slightest drop in Oestrogen and I’m climbing the walls. I have tried St John’s Wort, anti depressant, Quiet Life, exercise, deep breathing, meditation and more. But the mood swings are only controlled when the oestrogen is increased. Can anyone advise or share their story with me. I have tried some alternative therapies to no avail. Am I fated to eventually kill someone? I mean, seriously, that isn’t acceptable is it? Maybe I should start writing crime so I can vent my feelings freely.
Thanks for reading. I look forward to hearing your nightmare tales. Unless of course you actually have murdered someone in a hormonal rage in which case perhaps you should also tell the police. All joking aside though, there is nothing worse than being out of control.