You may, or then again you may not, have wondered where I’ve been. I had decided not to say anything and then … Well, I’m a writer after all. I write about everything. But mostly I write comedy. I’m a cheerful, happy and funny person. At least, I was, until some months ago. I’ve decided not to hide. I’m coming out, so to speak. I came out on Facebook and it freed me and anyone who doesn’t understand, well, frankly, I don’t care. I’m that knackered most of the time that I don’t actually have the energy to care. BUT I want to say that my aim is to get back to normal as quickly as possible without compromising myself. I’ve missed writing humourous posts for this site and I have several up my sleeve. Particularly funny stories from my holiday which I plan to share with you.
But I know I can share this with you and that you will be understanding. It’s easier to share than to pretend all is well and to struggle to keep up with social networking which just adds to my stress. My note to Facebook was short but I hope clarifying. I will go into more depth here, however. This was my Facebook post.
Okay, coming clean here and not for tea and sympathy but just to explain why I’ve not been on Facebook as much as usual. And why when I am, I’m not my usual jolly, funny me.
A few months ago I had something of a meltdown. Several things contributed to this but mostly I was surrounded by an enormous amount of stress and it seems the stress doesn’t get you until it actually goes! Sounds crazy but that’s how the body works apparently.
So … after doing just a short amount, I feel exhausted, head swimming and generally washed out. Often unable to do anything apart from write my 1,000 words and some days I have been unable to do that. I’ve been weepy, and intolerant of most things.
But I’m getting better and as time goes on things feel easier. It’s not something I would wish on my worst enemy. It feels like flu but a hundred times worse and your body feels like it has totally given up on you.
I miss interacting with you as I love my readers so much. I hope you will understand. I will be back with you very soon but I am conserving all my energy for the novels. Enjoy ‘Roxie Brown’ and hopefully there will be another one very soon. Who knows, maybe in time for Christmas.”
So there you have it. In short, I’ve had a mini meltdown and some days it is a struggle to get off the couch. My head spins, feels full of cotton wool. My legs feel like lead and it feels like I am walking through treacle. I feel like I have a bad case of flu. My heart races, my eyes hurt, my sight is blurry and my body feels so exhausted I can hardly think straight. Just as I think I am improving something mildly stressful may happen and I’m thrown back. This happened only yesterday. It is crippling and something I wouldn’t wish on anyone. I’m focusing on my new novel and that’s about all I can manage at the moment. I’ve tweeted a lot more as it is much easier than Facebook . After an hour of promotion I am totally knackered.
I’m not absolutely sure what brought this on. I’m putting it down to a lot of stress and to the fact that I’ve always been a deep thinker and analyser. I’ve possibly driven myself into a break down thinking about time running out and how I’m not getting any younger. Whatever the cause it is a slow walk back and I’m taking it slowly. To most I look no different. I’m good at putting on a good show and many will read this and be surprised. But I’ve decided honesty is the best policy. But I will be working the same so don’t hesitate to ask me anything. I can always say no and I’m getting better at that these days.
Meanwhile, a little plug. ‘Fifty Shades of Roxie Brown’ is now out in paperback and as a download. Make a girl happy and treat yourself and let me know what you think.
Right, back to the Christmas music and the Christmas novel.
Much love and thanks as always