Life is not always a bowl of cherries

Today was a lovely day in many ways. It started with a crisp spring morning and driving out of my village to go to work I saw seven deer. I stopped my car to watch this awesome sight and found myself being watched back by one of the deer. I then proceeded to my place of work. It is a pleasure to work where I am now. In the past I have enjoyed my jobs but never as much as this, where the people are a sheer joy to be with. I returned home this afternoon and sat in my summer-house watching the birds and writing. I was thrilled when I spotted a Goldfinch. Writing is when I am at my most content and I know that later I will share what I have done with Andrew. My second marriage has been one of the most pleasurable things to happen to me. I am at last settled and at my happiest but for two things. I probably would not have given these two things much thought normally but this evening I read my friend Catherine Oxenberg’s blog. Catherine (famously known for starring in Dynasty if you can recall that far back) can be found on Facebook and has a like page and of course you can follow her blog. Reading Catherine’s blog jolted something in my brain when she talked of almost losing a friend over silly errors in her writing and I was reminded of two things that sadden me in life and which I can do nothing to repair it seems. The first is the loss of a great friend. Everyone has difficult times and I did during the break up of my first marriage. Sadly during a break up friends have a tendency to take sides. However, this particular friend didn’t but for some reason she did not maintain contact with me when I left my marriage and went to stay with my parents. One particularly bad evening I phoned her along with many friends and very stupidly asked them if I should keep them in my address book. I can, of course, excuse this behaviour by saying I was going through a difficult time but the truth is it was unacceptable. I vaguely recall her explaining that she had children and the past few weeks had been hectic but I didn’t listen. I never heard from her again. For many years I would look at books she gave me which were inscribed ‘To my lovely mate, what would I do without you’ until eventually it was too painful and I had to throw them out. I had lost not a friend but a sister and it was my own fault. I wrote to her but she never answered. A year later I wrote again, she never answered. Twelve years on now and I don’t bother but I have never forgotten her. Once I phoned her house just to hear her voice but her son answered. A lost friend can never be replaced. I then, read another blog by a friend who would prefer I didn’t name her and she was very depressed about her continuous pain and this also made me cry and I began to wonder if I would ever be free from the constant neck pain that dogs me and slows up my writing and creativity. I looked at the pain killers in my bag and thoughts that I would be taking these all my life ruined the rest of my day. Continual pain is wearing and although many people are in worse pain than me I cannot help wonder why doctors cannot help such a thing as neck pain. It is difficult for me sometimes to even sit at the computer. No one wants to hear about someone else’s pain and I don’t imagine I will mention it again but it is a bastard to cope with and the one drug that helps me, the doctor will not prescribe. So, if any kind soul out there knows how to ease this pain please contact me. I know no one can heal my broken friendship and that the destruction of that I will have to live with forever. Normal fun blogs will resume as soon as possible.
If anyone has taken the time and effort to read this then I should give a link to Catherine’s blog.
http://catherineoxenberg.blogspot.com/2011/04/what-is-point-of-this-blog.html